You can't motorboat a personality
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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