There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
How naked do you want me to be?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
