I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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