mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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