i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
