she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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