My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
