I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Randomize
