I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
