i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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