cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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