im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
