Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
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