Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize