No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
