Soap is not a condiment
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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