i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
