I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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