apparently the secret to your success is patron
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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