I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
