also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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