note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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