I hate your face
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
