threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
