Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
