Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
