well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
