Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
vagina is talking i cant
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
