Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
