I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
