As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You need a sexual gate keeper
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
