It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
