is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
