My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
