Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
