one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
