no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
