How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
