I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
