You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
