I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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