His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
