new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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