White coat. Heels.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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