Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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