I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
