dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
