u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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