I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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