I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
