I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
