i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
