i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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